“But I believe in music the way that some people believe in fairy tales.”
- August Rush
Music has always been the backbone of my life. Always. Since I was really young, it marked my absolute most important moments ever. At my middle school graduation, the orator in my class said while introducing me: “she has a song for every guy she had a crush on.” Wrong, buddy. I have a song for every single thing in my life that is important.
So I counted the seconds tonight until midnight, November 12th, 2021. Stayed up waaaay past my bedtime cause I had to. Because I knew something important was coming.
But let me backtrack a little bit before tonight.
I remember like it was yesterday all the days I bought my favorite records in my life: Aerosmith’s Ballads (which doesn't even exist outside of Brazil, I’ve come to find out) that time I bought Hanson’s Christmas album (NOT at Christmas time LOL) at a record store that ceased to exist decades ago in my hometown, every single time I ever bought a Jonas Brothers album, and I remember buying Red. Oh, I remember Red.
Red was/is/will always be my favorite Taylor Swift album. It was bought amidst my well-established tradition to drive at 8 am on Fridays to my Target in Nashville to personally purchase my favorite albums on CD before my classes started at school. Red, that changed my life forever as I sat in my red car, in the middle of a chilly Fall day in 2012 and bawled my eyes out in what I could only describe as complete astonishment.
That album reminded me of my friends I left home a year prior when I decided to move to Nashville. It reminded me of a lost love whose wounds were still somehow fresh enough in my heart, it reminded me of the light-hearted feeling I had of driving around my favorite streets of Nashville on a Fall day, taking in the fact I was truly, finally, living my best life.
After that day, October 22, 2012, that album stuck with me through the shittiest shit shows of my life and through the most special of all specialties life presented me.
It was with me when, a year later, I fell in love with “green eyes, and freckles and your smile.”
It was with me when I realized how red a broken love could truly feel.
I was with me when I knew I was getting myself into trouble but still said “fuck it” and ran with it anyway.
When I learned that “nothing safe is worth the drive.”
It was with me through hikes back home when I had lost everything and moved back with my parents for a full year.
Every time I believed in love again, it was there with me.
And every time it all fell apart, too.
It was with me while driving a convertible through Florida screaming at the top of my lungs how absolutely, no fucking way, we were ever getting back together — even though I hadn’t broken up with anyone around that time. It just felt like a fun song to sing to, though.
It was with me every single night I felt my chest tighten up a little bit, opened my phone, typed “L…” and just looked at Mr. BFF’s number wanting to call him a few years ago…
…and it was with me at one of my worst nights in NYC, sitting on the floor on a cold winter night, wondering how the fuck did we get to where we were. (this one also made me cry tonight, by the way)
And again, tonight, as I listen to a fresh take on all of these friends, who have stayed with me through it all, I can’t help but live all those moments again. I can’t help but embrace all the emotions: love, loss, grief, peace, joy, grace, freedom, sadness, happiness.
I can’t help but embrace the absolute gorgeous world we have built together around all these songs. Me, myself, and I. And maybe a little bit of Taylor too, who knows?
I believe in music because it tells us all the stories mere words couldn’t do well enough. And let me tell you, I believe in words more than most things in my life.
But music, man. That one wins every time.
And as I sit in my bed in my favorite home I ever had in Nashville and think about the girl I was 9 years ago, sophomore in college, falling in love with this city every day, I am proud of how far both of us made it.
I have loved. I have lost. I have fucked up and I have fixed many things — including myself.
May today be a day of celebrating everything that brings me Red feelings.
And heaven help Spotify cause this girl will be streaming the shit out of this album all day long today, and maybe for the rest of her life, again.
